Please Forgive Me, Hearts Fans
Well folks, I'm afraid it has happened. The forces of the dark side have conspired to consume this battle-scarred and hideously confused Jambo like never before, and it's unsure now whether insanity or normality will prevail in the months ahead.
We've all experienced crossroads in our lives, and I'm not talking about that God-awful soap opera that our parents subjected many of us to back in the early '80s.
It happens at various stages in life, starting early - choosing the subjects you'll sit exams for at High School for example is one that can have more influence on your future than you ever realise at the time. Then as you get towards the end of your adolescence, you are posed with the problems that come with deciding whether or not to go to college or university, or instead go straight into a job. There are also those who decide they can afford the luxury of a couple of years 'out' to help them to work out exactly what it is that they want to do with their lives, and although it works for some, there will be those who will still be in the same state of confusion 20 years later.
As life goes on you are presented with more challenges that can take on a whole host of new complications. Relationships with others generally bring about the greatest battles you're ever likely to face, both with the people you're connected to and very often your own conscience. Compromises need to be made as you form permanent attachments, and you can at times find your emotions becoming split between loyalty to others and ensuring that you have time make sure that you are getting what you can out of the relationship.
'If this is a two-way thing, thenwhy is it that I'm getting nothing out of this while they seem to be getting everything?' you start saying to yourself, and as this question posed to the disconsolate face you look at in the mirror every morning becomes as much part of your daily routine as breaking wind during your early morning single fish, you seriously start to consider the prospect that this relationship has run its course. It's over - the magic has gone. You're simply going through the motions and probably have been for some time without realising it, and you know deep down that you want out.
But as soon as the reality hits you, you hide from it. You shut out all the negatives and try to remember all of the good times - experiences that you put among the very happiest of your life. You try to imagine what life would be like if all of this suddenly wasn't there any more, and although you can admit that you'd feel a bit of relief, the immediately overwhelming emotion you feel is hurt. It's an empty feeling of panic that makes you want to frantically cling to everything that you had seriously been considering throwing away.
Of course, this is just a reflex action and isn't an accurate depiction of how you feel deep down, but it's a strong enough feeling that prevents many people from making the decisions in their lives that truly are right for them. The right thing to do is go with your initial gut instincts - the fact you got to this stage surely tells you what you need to do, but fear has blinded you into thinking that everything really is all right, and that you're simply going through a 'phase'.
In actual fact though, what is happening is that you are taking the easy way out - and the easiest thing to do in this situation is absolutely nothing. Keep it ticking over - stay in your comfort zone and continue to put up with everything responsible for gradually turning you into a shadow of your former self. Again.
Well, I have to hold my hands up and admit that today, this is me. I am in a relationship that I've been getting nothing out of for longer than I care to admit, but I simply haven't had the bottle to do the right thing and get out while I can still look myself in the eye. I have taken what Yoda once described as 'the dark and easy path', and I fear that my soul may never again return to what it was.....
That's right, people.......I HAVE RENEWED MY HEARTS SEASON TICKET!!!!